Intruder
by GorgeousSmile
Summary: It's the middle of the night, Maureen and Joanne are sleeping, and someone breaks in! Dun, dun, dun! MoJo, Oneshot.


Intruder

It was the middle of the night and Maureen and Joanne were sound asleep in their big comfy bed. That is until a loud crash caused the lawyer to bolt straight up.

"What was that?" She whispered to no one, since Maureen still remained asleep.

_Crash! _

With fear running through her veins Joanne reached out, shaking the diva. "Maureen!" She whispered with fret. "Wake up!"

"Mmmm…" Maureen muffled out before rolling over on her stomach, away from the annoying hand that was trying to wake her.

_Bang! _

Joanne looked down at her girlfriend, amazed she could sleep through the loud noises coming from just outside their bedroom.

"Maureen _please_ wake up…"

_Smash! _

"I think someone is trying to break into our apartment." The lawyer unsuccessfully tried again.

Finally Joanne sighed and rolled her eyes and in a monotone voice said, "Maureen, I really want to go down on you."

Maureen quickly rolled over, her drowsy but excited eyes peering into Joanne's alert ones. "Okay!"

Joanne huffed. "You wake up for sex, but you wont wake up when we're in danger!?"

Maureen whimpered and rolled back over; getting the feeling that Joanne wasn't going to be pleasuring her. "Go back to bed Joanne…nobody is in here."

_Boom!_

"Jo!" Maureen asked with worry. "Did you hear that!?"

"Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Joanne whispered with fear.

Maureen sat up, her eyes peering at the closed bedroom door, her ears hearing another loud crash from the other side. Slowly she turned her head to face Joanne. "Go check it out."

"What, why me?"

"You're the one who heard it first." Maureen answered reasonably.

_Shit! _

Maureen and Joanne's head both shot to the door at the sound of the cuss word, each as equally scared.

"You go." Joanne said while pushing her.

Maureen huffed and crawled out of bed, wearing nothing but underwear. "Fine! I'm Maureen fucking Johnson! No robber is going to scare me out of here!"

"That's the spirit honeybear now go!" Joanne said.

_Bang!_

With the loud noise, Maureen sprang back onto the bed, holding onto Joanne for dear life. "I'm scared!"

Joanne giggled. "What happened to Maureen fucking Johnson?"

Maureen cleared her throat, and she boldly sat up straight. "You're right…I'm going out there, I'm going to be a woman and protect _my_ woman."

Joanne smiled and watched as Maureen once again crawled out of bed, and made her way to the door, but Joanne stopped her before she could step out. "Wait…."

Maureen turned around. "What?"

"Put on a shit or something…I don't want that robber to get a look at your breast, those are for my eyes only." Joanne said, and then threw her one of her dress shirts that was hanging on the back of the headboard.

Finally dressed in underwear and Joanne's dress shirt, with one button done up, the diva turned around and went for the door again, until…

"Wait!"

Maureen sighed. "What the fuck now?"

Joanne held out a broom. "Take this for protection, and come give me a kiss before you put yourself in danger."

Maureen walked over and took the broom. She then proceeded to give Joanne a quick kiss on the lips, before turning for the door again. This time walking out into the living room before Joanne could stop her.

"Okay fucker, where are you?" Maureen said under breath, as she slowly followed the noises, which were coming from the kitchen. "Hmm…stealing our food are ya, well not for too long."

Maureen silently tip-toed to the kitchen, moving like a cat who was stocking its prey. Finally she made it to the kitchen, and hid against the wall, her head taking a peak around the corner in a James Bond sort of way. When she looked she found the intruder huddled in the fridge digging through their food.

Quietly Maureen picked up the broom, raising it above her head, slowly she walked behind the man, and with one hard swing she smashed him on the back of the head.

"Take that you bitch!" She shouted, and hit him again and again, and again, until he was out cold, lying on his stomach.

"Pookie!" Maureen shouted with triumph. "I got him, come here! It's safe, I saved you!"

Joanne reluctantly came out of the bedroom with a dust buster in hand as her weapon, not entirely sure if Maureen was serious or not. When she rounded the corner to the kitchen, she smiled in approval and wrapped her arms around Maureen's waist.

"Honey you did it!" Joanne said as her eyes laid on the knocked out guy.

Maureen kissed Joanne on the cheek. "I know…now I think you should reward me for being your hero."

"How about we call the police first?" Joanne suggested.

"Don't call the police…" The man said in a painful whisper.

Joanne and Maureen both jumped back, Maureen holding tightly onto her broom, while Joanne turned on her dust buster.

Slowly the guy turned over and sat up, wincing in pain as he did so. Joanne and Maureen squinted trying to make out his face, which looked a little familiar, but they couldn't see with just the fridge light, so Joanne flicked on the lights.

"Collins!" Both girls screamed.

Collins nodded while he rubbed the back of his head. "Wow…so never break into MoJo's apartment...ow."

"Sorry…" Maureen said. "But why the fuck are you in here anyway!? It's three in the morning."

Collins cautiously stood up, trying to avoid any pain. "Angel and I were playing truth or dare, and she dared me to come here and steal a picture of you two. After I took a picture, I was hungry, so I was going to grab some food on the way out…but instead I was attacked." He chuckled when he eyed Maureen. "You are one crazy mofo." He then looked towards Joanne. "What were you going to do with that dust buster Jo? Suck me up?"

Joanne blushed and set it down. "It was the only thing near me." She then quickly changed the subject. "So you want some ice for the back of your head?"

Collins shook his head with a grin. "Nah, I'll just get Ang to take care of me."

All three of them walked out into the open and turned on the lights, Joanne's eyes widened at the sight. Tables were knocked over, knick knacks were on the ground, and some hanging pictures had fallen.

"Collins!" Joanne yelled.

"Sorry…" Collins said. "I couldn't see anything in the dark."

"Well how about you see yourself to the door, I really want to have sex." Maureen said with a raised eyebrow.

Collins chuckled and nodded, but before he left he turned to face the girls. "You two might really want to lock your window at night. Especially before some poor stranger comes in here and tries to mess you with two."

"Thanks for the tip." Maureen smirked and walked him out the door. "Goodnight."

"Night."

Once Collins was gone, Maureen shut the door and locked it, and then went into the living room to see Joanne locking the window.

"So sex…or clean this up?" Maureen asked, hoping Joanne would pick the first option.

Joanne sighed as her eyes scanned the messy room. "Well…you were pretty brave…so I'll reward you now, and clean this up later."

"It really pays off for being a hero doesn't it!" Maureen giggled as she grabbed Joanne's hand, and pulled her into the bedroom.


End file.
